


Aunt Hever's Halloween.

by jhsdhalr



Series: Aunt Hever Celebrates. [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-22 20:50:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2521340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhsdhalr/pseuds/jhsdhalr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock spend Halloween with Aunt Hever and Sherlock's numerous relatives. This is crack and note also that it's my particular type of crack, in  which everyone is a bit odd, and some more than a bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Invite.

**Author's Note:**

> It will be helpful to read at least one other Aunt Hever story before starting this. It's crack of course.

It was late October when Sherlock and John received the, by now, familiar gold colored envelope inviting them to yet another event at Hope Manor. John carried it into the Kitchen where Sherlock, the man who hated boiled eggs, was eating a boiled egg.

"Look what we've got" said John, happily, handing Sherlock the envelope.

"You can open it" said Sherlock " I can guess what it is anyway."

"What is it then?" asked John, as he sat down opposite Sherlock and opened the envelope.

"An invite to a Halloween party" said Sherlock, sighing deeply.

"Yes, it is" John exclaimed, as he examined the card inside the envelope {which smelled strongly of lavender} "fantastic, and we have to wear costumes. I'll go as a spider. I've always wanted to dress as a spider."

"I hate spiders" said Sherlock "they run sideways."

"You frighten them, that's why" said John.

"Wretched things" Sherlock moaned "always crawling about in the bathroom and the bath."

"Never mind that" said John "what else do your family do at Halloween?"

"Oh, all the usual things" Sherlock muttered "apple bobbing, lantern carving out of turnips, treacle scones, musical chairs, and of course killing the goat."

"Lantern carving? Killing the goat?" John gasped.

"We don't care for pumpkins" said Sherlock "revolting things."

"What about the goat?" John prompted.

"Originally it was a real goat" Sherlock explained "but that got messy and one year the goat escaped so now we kill a symbolic goat."

"What the hell is a symbolic goat?" asked John.

"Usually several chickens" said Sherlock "from a butcher, already dead and plucked. We hang them from the ceiling in a sack and everyone stabs at them."

"Sounds fun" said John.

"It is" Sherlock muttered, somewhat reluctantly "often quite enjoyable. There's nothing like running at a bundle of dead chickens hanging from the ceiling and trying to stab them. Mummy was a champion when she was young."

"New Olympic sport in the making then" said John, laughing.

"They could do worse" Sherlock sighed "It'd be a lot more exciting than some of things they do and afterward you can eat the chickens."

"What else d'you do?" John asked "are there bonfires? I like bonfires."

"Well" said Sherlock slowly "there's the flaming pit, of course. You'd enjoy that."

"Sounds great" said John enthusiastically. 

"It is fairly enjoyable actually" Sherlock said, taking a large bite out of his egg "in fact, some of the activities are fun except there's always family about spoiling them."

"What are you going to wear?" asked John "I can't wait to see you dressed up again."

"I shall go as a cucumber" said Sherlock "I always go as a cucumber."

"What's a cucumber got to do with Halloween?" John asked, puzzled.

"Haven't you ever heard of a Halloween cucumber?" Sherlock queried.

"No" said John.

Sherlock sighed. "How strange" he said "of course, it's actually a Quisenberry tradition, not a Holmes thing at all."

"Well" said John "it sounds interesting anyway."

"It's just difficult to walk" muttered Sherlock "and peeing is a bit awkward too."

John started to laugh. "I'm eager to see this costume" he said.

"You'll have to wait till Halloween" Sherlock told him.


	2. Dinner.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John arrive at Hope Manor. Dinner is served.

The Train to the station nearest Hope Manor was held up by an escaped tiger from a nearby zoo, that had, unaccountably, fallen asleep on the line, so, once again, Sherlock and John arrived late.

The family coach was already there when they arrived, but, as they got out of their taxi, Mycroft's Rolls came slowly into view and stopped right beside them. Mycroft got out and, to both Sherlock and John's surprise, so did Greg Lestrade. Mycroft waved at them and Greg stuck his tongue out at them. 

"How childish" said Sherlock, as he stuck his own tongue out at Lestrade.

"You're late" said Mycroft.

"So are you" Sherlock snapped.

"We were held up by a herd of sheep" Lestrade explained.

"We didn't know you even knew each other" said John.

Lestrade flushed. "We met some time ago" he muttered. 

The front door of Hope Manor opened at that moment and Aunt Hever herself appeared in the doorway. She was wearing a purple dressing gown covered in bright yellow and pink things which looked a bit like skulls. She had orange and green colored curlers in her hair which appeared to have been dyed blue.

"Oh Lovely" she cried, as they came toward her, Greg and John carrying the bags "now everyone is here. How nice that Mycroft has brought his beautiful boyfriend too. Sherlock, you and you cute little friend are in the purple parlor. You'll love it. Mycroft, you're in the Pool room. Don't worry the Pool isn't there any more."

Two very tall servants came rushing up just then and took their bags. "Hammy and I got them from a Basketball team that folded" said Aunt Hever looking fondly at her newest servants as they started to ascend the stairs four steps at a time "aren't they fantastic?"

"That's a good word for them, true enough, Aunty" said Mycroft.

"So" said John, as they hurried up the stairs, "I'm your cute little friend, am I?"

Sherlock was glaring at Mycroft's departing back as he ascended the stairs just ahead of himself and John. "No-one has ever said you weren't cute" he muttered "and you're certainly not very tall."

The purple parlor was not a parlor and wasn't purple. It was green and back. The little en suit was completely green, with green walls, green floor, green ceiling, and green shower, toilet and sink. It even had green towels. The greens were all different however. The result was rather alarming. The bedroom itself had a four poster with black bedding. The floor was covered by a green and black carpet and the furniture was all black. In contrast to all this the walls and ceiling were lime green. There were little decorative flowers in black on the walls. Opposite the bed was an enormous painting of a man who appeared to be weighing his huge penis. 

John and Sherlock sat on the end of the bed side by side and stared at it. "Priapus weighing his phallus" said Sherlock "copy of a Roman fresco from Pompeii."

"It's fascinating" said John.

"Terrifying" Sherlock muttered "imagine waking up one morning and finding that between your legs".

"His balls aren't so big though" John pointed out "in comparison, I mean."

At that moment the entire room shook as the half hour warning for Dinner sounded throughout the building. "We'd better go down" said John " I'll unpack later. The costumes will be alright. There's not much damage you can do to a spider or a cucumber."

Sherlock sighed deeply. "Mummy will be there" he said "and Arnica."

"Your family are wonderful" said John "come on, let's go."

Downstairs, the Drawing room was packed with people and John was almost immediately enveloped in the arms of Aunt Edinburgh, whose hair was now straight and orange and had a feather in it. He was then hugged by Sherlock's Mother, his Aunt Cardiff and his Uncle Bertie.

"You still haven't put on any weight, Sherlock" said Aunt Cardiff, poking him in the ribs "you should wear brighter colors too. You're inclined to look as if you're about to go to a Funeral."

"We went to a Funeral last week" said Ippie, who was sitting nearby "me and Sharpie. There was a fight."

"They fell in the grave together" said Sharpie "Andy would have loved it if he was there. He was always up for a good fight."

"He was there" said Ippie.

"Yes, but he was in the coffin, wasn't he?" Sharpie pointed out.

"He had no legs" said Ippie.

"He had them to start with" Sharpie explained "he lost them in the Congo."

"I lost something in the Congo once" said Phillington.

"What was it?" asked Grunt Quisenberry.

"I seem to remember it was my 5th wife" said Phillington "or maybe the 4th. It was a wife anyhow."

"You should have been watching her more closely" said Aunt Windsor.

"She told me she wanted to escape" said Phillington "and then she did."

"I know just how she must have felt" commented Sherlock.

"I lost a pie once" said Uncle Chester "one moment it was there, and then it was gone."

"Someone probably ate it" Arnica suggested.

"I don't think so" said Uncle Chester "it was made of Terracotta."

"That can be dangerous" said Dover "Terracotta, I mean. One of our cousins died from it."

"How could someone die from Terracotta, Aunty?" asked Mindy.

"A Terracotta bust of Beethoven fell out of a window right on her head" Dover told everyone "and she toppled into the road and got run over by a Coach."

"Cousin Batty was killed by a Coach" said Butter Holmes, who was sitting right next to Dover and thus heard most of what she said "he was sitting behind the wheel and it went over a cliff in Austria somewhere."

"HE WAS DRIVING THEN?" shouted Mycroft.

"I think he was asleep" Butter muttered "he wasn't driving. He couldn't drive."

Sensibly, no-one attempted to discover any more facts about this apparent tragedy, although several of them, including both John and Lestrade, were dying of curiosity. Aunt Blackness decided to change the subject. "I lost my leg once" she said.

"We've heard this story before, Blacky" said Dover, impatiently.

"Some of us haven't" said John.

"She left it on a bus in Clapham" said Dover "she never got it back. She had to get a new one."

"It wasn't my fault" said Aunt Blackness "I was bored and I had an itch."

"I've had the itch more than once" said Ippie "I had it in Hampstead once as well."

"We don't want to hear about that" complained Sharpie.

Luckily, just as several children were saying they wanted to hear more about the itch, the Siren sounded for Dinner and everyone made a rush for the door, resulting in a brief pile up during which Uncle Chester lost his false teeth. They were retrieved by Bandy just before Phillington's wheel chair ran over them.

Dinner was, as usual, a long affair. It started with fresh berries served in herbs, which most people didn't like much. Then they had sea urchin with hazelnuts, which was more nuts than sea urchin. Next came Caramelized cabbage with rose petals and greens and Tar tar of Danish beef with celery. For dessert they had a choice of Rhubarb rose with creme fraiche in apple broth or Chocolate covered fermented mushrooms. Aunt Hever, who arrived dressed in a long brown corduroy skirt paired with a bright blue blouse with pink stripes, confessed that they had a new Chef. Hamilton explained that he was from Grimsby.

Lestrade sat next to John during the meal and told him it was interesting. John agreed. Sherlock said he could think of a lot of words for it but interesting wasn't one of them. The children amused themselves by spitting the mushrooms at each other. Creepy Holmes Junior was caught by Mycroft hiding celery in his trouser pockets. This gave Ippie the chance to tell a long story of how he once hid an entire meal about his person when on Holiday in Skegness, followed by a long discussion on whether this was actually possible. Finally they had quite normal looking cheese and biscuits and the children retired to bed, mostly moaning that they were still hungry.

Everyone crushed into the drawing room and Uncle Bertie and Mycroft played a duet on the piano accompanied by Uncle Newbury on the Trumpet and Mork on a chair leg. Just the leg. Not the whole chair. Mindy, Arnica, Julian, Tyger and Usher then did the Can-can because it was traditional. Aunt Hever said she and Hamilton had started to learn the guitar. Hamilton, who was for some reason wearing a floor length pink dress with a bustle, went and got two guitars and they proceeded to play what Hamilton said was God save the Queen. Several very brave people tried to sing along with it. Sherlock said if they didn't stop he was going to have a nervous collapse whereupon Phillington said he had had one of those years ago but he had lost it.

Finally someone suggested they had a real good sing song. Sherlock announced at that point that he was tired and needed to go to bed. Lestrade said he loved a good sing song. Uncle Bertie started to play something on the piano. People squashed around him. Sherlock escaped, followed, reluctantly, by John.

"I like a sing song" John complained as they arrived in the purple parlor.

"Most of them can't sing" said Sherlock.

"What about Greg?" asked John.

"Who?" asked Sherlock, looking surprisingly blank.

"Lestrade" said John "have you ever heard him sing?"

"He sounds like a strangled crow" said Sherlock, flopping down on the bed and watching John start to unpack "don't squash my cucumber".

"I wouldn't dream of squashing your cucumber" said John and started to laugh "anyway, how did cousin Batty end up driving a coach over a cliff? I'd love to know."

"Mummy said the driver fell out of the door and he took over" Sherlock explained.

John laughed some more. "Your family never die in ordinary ways do they?" he cackled.

"Of course they do" snapped Sherlock.

"Who then?" asked John "tell me someone who died in an ordinary way."

There was a long silence. Finally Sherlock sighed. "I can't think of anyone right now" he said "I'm suffering from stress."

John pulled a pair of bright pink panties covered with frills out of Sherlock's bag. "Ah" he said "now, what are these for?"

Sherlock brightened up. "I thought I'd put them on and you could chase me and rip them off" he said.

"Sounds like fun" John agreed "I like ripping your clothing."

"They're your Halloween present" said Sherlock "so no ripping until tomorrow. After the party."

"I'm looking forward to it" said John "a party and then I get to chase you. Great."

"I'll make sure I don't run too fast" said Sherlock, and they grinned at each other.

"Roll on tomorrow " said John.

 

End of Chapter Two.


	3. Carving turnips and killing goats.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween festivities begin.

`John awoke the next morning to find he had seventy three inches of hot, snoring, consulting detective sprawled all over him. He extricated himself from under Sherlock and went into the bathroom to wash. The overall effect of all the green in the bathroom was somewhat alarming so he performed his ablutions as fast as possible before he returned to the bedroom to find Sherlock awake and glaring at him.

"You awoke without me" Sherlock complained unreasonably.

"Yes" John said cheerfully, glad to be out of the green bathroom "so I did."

"I've got a stiff neck" Sherlock moaned, rubbing the affected part of his anatomy.

"I got rid of mine under the shower" John replied, grinning.

"I'm going to wash now" said Sherlock "and I hope you're sorry."

"Oh I am" said John, not knowing what he had to be sorry about "seriously sorry." He had these sort of conversations with Sherlock at times. He was always very sorry even though he usually didn't know why.

Sherlock grunted and disappeared into the green bathroom. John got dressed. He put on one of his favorite jumpers, which was orange with little pink pigs jumping hurdles all over it. The pigs were wearing hats. One of John's Aunts had knitted it. She was a fantastic knitter who made up her own patterns. John liked the jumping pigs particularly. Sherlock just said pigs couldn't jump hurdles when he first saw the jumper, so they went into the country to see if they could find a pig farm. They found one and the owner said he had never seen a pig jump a hurdle but that was probably because the farm didn't have any, so they went home undecided on pigs jumping abilities.

John yelled out to Sherlock that he was going down to breakfast over the sound of the shower and Sherlock singing lustily that he knew where he was going, which was certainly true, but the bit about having stockings of silk almost certainly wasn't, and nor was the bit about having combs to buckle his hair. However, the bit about handsome winsome Johnny was rather nice, John thought.

The breakfast room was already half full of people eating. John helped himself to toast, two fried eggs, a sausage, two slices of bacon, some black pudding and a hash brown and sat down next to Arnica. "Good morning" he said to the room.

"I love your jumper" said Arnica "I adore pigs, they're so intelligent."

"When I was young we had a pet pig" said Phillington, who was sitting directly opposite John.

"What was it called?" asked Mork, who was eating his way through a huge pile of bacon and fried tomatoes.

"Brenda" said Phillington "I was very sad when we ate her, but she tasted nice."

"That's revolting" said Aunt Blackness "fancy eating a pet."

"It was wartime" said Phillington "1914 or 15 or so."

"I love pork" said Sharpie.

"I jumped over a pig once" said Ippie.

"Why did you do that?" asked Mandarin.

"It was in my way" Ippie explained.

At that moment Sherlock entered the room. He muttered good morning to everyone and helped himself to two boiled eggs and some toast. Then he sat down, somewhat reluctantly, next to his mother. Before he could say he hated boiled eggs, Mycroft and Lestrade entered the room. Disturbingly, they were holding hands. As everyone stared at them they separated.

"We slept very well" said Lestrade. 

"Yes" Mycroft agreed "we did."

The door opened once more and Aunt Hever and Hamilton entered. They were also holding hands and were dressed in identical blue shirts and corduroy trousers. Hamilton was wearing a fez. Very sensibly no-one asked why. After helping themselves to a variety of food they sat down side by side at the head of the table. Almost immediately Aunt Hever stood up again. "As soon as breakfast is over we'll all be going into the ballroom to carve some turnips into lanterns" she told the room "great fun."

"I got knocked unconscious by a turnip once" said Ippie. 

"I knew a man that was killed by a turnip" said Uncle Chester.

Aunt Cardiff sighed. "I ate a whole turnip once" she said "It was fried. It was disgusting."

"They should be cooked in butter" said Aunt Hever "and served on a bed of something."

"I had something served on a bed in Rome" said Ippie "it was a chambermaid I think."

"I've had a few chambermaids in my time" Phillington remarked "never on a bed though."

"Couldn't you have taken her to a bed?" asked Mindy "I'm sure there must have been some around."

"They're better outdoors" said Phillington "preferably in a field. Or, in an emergency, a shed."

"I found a sack of turnips in a shed once" said Lestrade suddenly, to everyone's surprise "we were looking for a head. We had the body, but we couldn't find the head."

"What did you do with the turnips then?" asked Dover.

"We divided them up" said Lestrade "I got ten. My wife made a turnip casserole. It was revolting. Not long after that she left me and ran off with a greengrocer."

"She probably wanted fresher turnips" said Sherlock. Everyone, including Lestrade and Mycroft, laughed. Sherlock just looked amazed as he had been perfectly serious.

"Turnips" said Arnica "can be very dangerous."

"I knew someone who was very dangerous with turnips " said Ippie immediately "and with potatoes and cabbages too."

"What was dangerous about them then ?" asked Mork.

"He lived in a top floor flat" said Ippie "and when he was bored he used to throw them out of the windows at people on the pavement below."

"Surely he wasn't allowed to do that" said Mindy "didn't he get arrested?"

"Yes" said Ippie " he did. He was charged with assaulting people with a deadly weapon. He went to jail and became a chef."

Later, they all wandered into the ballroom where several tables were set up at one end covered with a large number of turnips, candles, string, tablespoons and knives. Aunt Hever stood behind one of the tables and shouted some instructions to the room. "First you cut the top off the turnip to make a lid" she shouted "then you gouge out the flesh using a tablespoon and a knife. Scoop out a bowl shape and leave the outer skin about a half inch, or just over, thick. Make a small depression in the base for the candle. Cut the shape of a face out of the front. Make a chimney hole in the lid. Take a candle, light it and drip some wax in the depression so the candle will stay put. Make two holes in the lid for the string. You can blow out the candle once it's in position. We'll light them again, don't worry. You can start any time you're ready." Despite these words, Hamilton suddenly produced a large whistle from one of his pockets, shouted loudly "three, two, one, GO" and blew the whistle.

The room was soon filled with the sound of people moaning that their turnip was too hard to cut, their spoon was too small or too big, their knife was too sharp or too blunt and a whole variety of other complaints. Sherlock proved to be an expert turnip carver and was able to help John with his when he got into difficulties. After a while, though, a large number of turnips were finished and people stood around admiring them and boasting about how superior their own particular turnip happened to be.

Lunch was turnip soup, followed by turnip braised in red wine. After the thrill of that they had chocolate pudding shaped like a turnip. Later they all went to get dressed in their costumes. John struggled into his spider costume and Sherlock managed to get into his cucumber costume but then fell over and couldn't get up again. John had to help him. They tottered downstairs to the ballroom which had been magically transformed into a dark, gloomy hell hole filled with skeletons and blood stained swords.

Aunt Hever and Hamilton were already there standing together on a small platform. Aunt Hever was dressed as a bat and Hamilton was yet another skeleton. Dover was wearing a full length black ball gown and looked fantastic. There were several more cucumbers, including a tall one with reddish hair that turned out to be Mycroft. Lestrade was dressed all in black and had a mask like the Phantom of the Opera. Ippie and Sharpie were both dressed as sailors. Evidently Halloween costumes had run out when they went to get theirs. Aunt Cardiff was dressed in a tatty old wedding dress. She told everyone she was Miss Havisham from Great Expectations. There were also a number of clowns, some ghouls and witches, several evil looking nuns and a variety of animals and birds.

The turnip collection had evidently been taken outside for later festivities, however, a number of sacks were hanging from the ceiling and there were several barrels filled with liquid with apples floating in them. There were also chairs lined up in two rows down the center of the room and a band dressed as cows. Aunt Hever explained that there had been a misunderstanding about their costumes.

As every one milled about aimlessly the band started to play the shower music from Psycho. Aunt Hever shouted that musical chairs was about to begin and everyone rushed to sit down, except Phillington, who, being in a wheelchair, was sitting down already. Aunt Blackness failed to find a seat and was eliminated and everyone got up again and began to circle the chairs as the band launched into a quick time version of My old man said follow the band. As the game progressed and more people were eliminated some family members started to cheat. Arnica was eliminated because he was actually carrying a chair around with him and Uncle Bertie and Creepy Holmes Jr began to fight and several other people joined in, including Lestrade and Mandarin. The game descended into state of chaos, made worse by Sherlock deciding to end things by removing chairs to the end of the room, which was immensely difficult dressed as a cucumber, even when he had help from two other cucumbers and a nun.

"I think we should start to kill the goats, there will be plenty of opportunity for everyone as we had to have a lot of sacks this year because of the number of guests" shouted Aunt Hever at last, as Sherlock put the final chair at the far end of the room "get your weapons ready and when Hammy shouts go-----go."

Hamilton waved at everyone and, as they all rushed to grab a sword, he shouted "GO, GO, GO."

There was a rush at the sacks and numerous blood stained swords flew through the air. John thought it was tremendously exciting even when one of the swords hit his seventh leg, which luckily, hung loosely behind his back. Servants stood by with first aid kits and phones in case anyone was actually injured. 

"This is how Great Uncle Hoggar died" Mycroft told Lestrade as they ran at one of the sacks together "that was when it was a real goat and they had to do it outside."

"They killed a real goat?" gasped Lestrade.

"Of course" said Mycroft.

"I hate goats" said Phillington, who was watching the festivities with interest "one of them bit me once in a very unfortunate place."

"What place was that?" asked Mindy.

"I think it was Weston-Super-Mare" said Phillington.

Finally, all the sacks were on the ballroom floor and only three people had been slightly injured. Some determined family members continued to stab at the sacks until the servants removed them. Bits of chicken were stuck to the floor and some of the walls, and as the servants scrubbed Aunt Hever announced that they could bob for apples and soon there would be treacle scones to eat.

Sherlock sat down on one the chairs at the far end of the room. He managed to sit despite his cucumber which was, in fact, starting to look a bit worse for wear. After a moment John sat down on his lap. "You've got chicken in your hair" he said.

"Useless" said Sherlock "it's not cooked."

"Would you eat something that'd been in your hair if it was cooked?" asked John with interest.

"I've eaten worse things" said Sherlock, with a sigh. 

"I ate a cockroach once" said Sharpie, who was sitting next to Sherlock along with Ippie "it was revolting but there was nothing else available except for spinach pie."

Mork was standing nearby picking bits of chicken out of his Ghoul costume. "Surely spinach pie would have been better than cockroach" he said.

"Have you eaten Mrs Crabtree's spinach pie?" asked Sharpie.

"I've never even met her" said Mork.

"You wont get the chance now" said Ippie "she died in 1956."

"She only had one arm" said Sharpie.

"And she was bald too" Ippie added " but she had great legs, all three of them were fantastic. She could do things with those legs. Wonderful things."

A small crowd had now gathered and were all listening to the story with interest. " What could she do with her legs then? asked Usher.

"She could wrap them round her neck for a start" said Sharpie.

"She could roll around the floor like that too" said Ippie " but she was a terrible cook."

"Mr Crabtree couldn't cook either" Sharpie informed everyone.

"Did he have three legs as well?" asked Tyger.

"Of course not" Sharpie snapped " he was an accountant."

"You can't be an accountant if you have three legs" Dover explained.

"Of course not" said Aunt Cardiff.

"Can you be an accountant if you have one leg?" asked Grunt, who was standing next to Aunt Cardiff eating an apple.

"I don't see why not" said Dover, after a pause.

Sherlock sighed deeply. "Let's see if we can get an apple" he said "I've just spotted Mycroft and Lestrade sharing one."

"How romantic" said John "I didn't know your brother had it in him."

"He probably hasn't " said Sherlock " let's go and try for an apple before they all go."

They managed to find a tub with three apples still floating precariously inside. John got one of them at first try but Sherlock just got very wet and cross and in the end cheated and fished one out with his hands. After eating the apples John had two scones and Sherlock had half a scone and got treacle on his cucumber. John sucked it off. The band started to play again then and the dancing began.

"At midnight we all go outside" Sherlock informed John as they attempted to dance together.

"What happens then?" John asked "you haven't told me about that."

"Just wait and see" said Sherlock mysteriously "it's not too unenjoyable though."

"Oh good" said John "I'll look forward to it then."

End of Chapter Three.


	4. The Titan Thunderbolt.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone eats and dances and John and Lestrade fall over.

The Band played an exciting rendition of Highway to Hell, complete with the double bass player spinning his double bass, and everyone began to dance. Some of the family, including Sherlock, Mycroft and Dover, were, in fact, excellent dancers, but most of them were, unfortunately, abysmal. John jumped about happily, quite out of time, while Sherlock spun around him, making him feel dizzy.

The music came to a sudden stop however, when the double bass player got some of his strings caught in his udders. As a number of people attempted to free him the servants circulated with trays of skulls made out of marzipan and marshmallow and chicken thighs coated with some unidentifiable back stuff. Others brought round drinks.

"I had that problem once" said Ippie cheerfully to no-one in particular.

"What problem?" asked James Perch.

"Getting my udders caught" said Ippie.

"You have udders?" Mindy almost shrieked.

"It were a party and everyone had to dress as a cow or a sheep" said Ippie.

"I often dress as a sheep" said Uncle Bertie "it's amazingly relaxing."

Luckily at that moment the band started to play again. The bass player slightly less frisky than before and minus most of his udders. As the band played Don't fear the Reaper everyone got back on the floor. They continued with the theme music from 2001 and then launched into Creep followed by Superstition, which they played twice.

As the band launched into an unidentifiable polka Aunt Hever joined them, and, grabbing a microphone, began to sing something about eating spiders in aspic. She was soon joined by Hamilton, plucking the strings of a guitar. The result was somewhat horrifying and certainly tuneless. Sherlock started to look green and John made him sit down at the end of the room with his head down between what would have been his knees if he wasn't dressed as a cucumber.

When the polka ended and Aunt Hever and Hamilton finished their song, or maybe just ran out of breath, it was hard to tell, Aunt Hever suddenly shouted to the room "and now, the Titan Thunderbolt."

To John's surprise the whole ballroom erupted with cheers, even Sherlock started to look slightly more cheerful. "What's the Titan Thunderbolt?" John asked Dover, who was sitting down next to Sherlock.

Dover looked amazed. "You've never danced the Titan Thunderbolt?" she queried.

"No" John told her "we don't dance in my family."

"How strange" said Dover "well, you'll soon find out how to do it. Just copy everyone else."

"I got a prize once for my dancing" said Phillington "I danced the tango. It was in the Congo somewhere. We had monkey brains for lunch, I remember that quite clearly."

"He's always going on about the Congo" said Dover "I've heard all the stories before."

"Eating monkeys is disgusting" said Bandy.

"They were tasty" said Phillington "the day before we had some sort of fried toad. Now that was disgusting."

"I ate a toad once" said Ippie " it was fried in butter and served on a bed of rice."

"That was a frog" said Sharpie "and I got mine caught in my throat."

"Hence the saying I've got a frog in my throat" said Arnica and started to laugh.

"It wasn't funny" Sharpie complained "I could have choked to death."

"That was how cousin Ripper Company died" said Dover.

"Did he get a frog caught in his throat?" asked Prima.

"Of course not" snapped Dover "they don't eat frogs in Wimbledon. He choked to death while he was demonstrating how to peel an onion with his toes."

"I cant see how he could have choked to death while he was peeling an onion with his toes" said Prima.

"Neither can I" said Bandy.

"The onion got caught somehow between his knees" Dover explained "and he bent down to pull it out with his teeth and accidentally swallowed the whole onion."

John started to laugh. Dover looked irritated. "He couldn't use his hands" she told everyone "that would have been cheating. He had a huge mouth though. It was all very unfortunate."

Several more people started to laugh. Luckily, before Dover could complain that it wasn't funny, the band started to play something very fast that sounded suspiciously like a gallop. "Here we go" said Dover "the Titan Thunderbolt."

Sherlock got up immediately and John followed him onto the floor, where the dancing was already starting. "Just copy me" Sherlock told John "and try not to kick anyone."

John attempted to copy Sherlock as he danced. It wasn't easy. It seemed the Titan Thunderbolt didn't require a partner. You started by jumping up and down on the spot shouting something that sounded like wee hee. Then you spun in a circle until you were dizzy. Several people fell down at that point. If you survived that part you then went onto the best part of the dance where you jumped up and down kicking your legs out behind you which was quite difficult to do and often caused injuries. Sherlock was very good at the whole dance. John got dizzy and fell over and was told that he had to start again from the jumping up and down bit if he fell over. He fell over several times, and at one point found himself on top of Lestrade, who also kept falling over. At last they both managed to spin without falling down and were able to progress to the kicking. John tried to cheat by starting to kick before he had spun around but was told off by Mycroft.

The final stage of the dance was where everyone ran up and down the ballroom shouting Titan Thunderbolt. John soon discovered that you were supposed to bang into people and knock them down while doing this. He found he was really good at banging into people and knocking them down. "I was in the Army" he told Arnica, as he barged into him and knocked him over.

As the music finished and people received first aid Sherlock came over and gave John a hug. "I saw you knock Arnica over" he said "It was fantastic."

"I knocked over several people" said John, glowing with pride "it was a bit like a rugby scrum. I really enjoyed it."

The band started to play again and everyone that was fit enough began to dance. Sherlock whisked John onto the floor and tried to show him how to waltz. John kept treading on Sherlock's feet so Sherlock abandoned him for Mycroft, which was a surprise. John soon found himself attempting to waltz with Lestrade. Both of them were hopeless so they went over to where a great deal of food had been laid out on a long table at one end of the room.

"What d'you think this is?" Lestrade asked John, picking up what appeared to be the leg of a bird, covered with black spots "it's too big for a chicken."

"It might be goose" said John "they like goose. Or it could be duck, I suppose."

"What are these spots then?" Lestrade asked.

"It's duck" said Aunt Edinburgh, who was sitting nearby eating one of the mysterious legs.

"What are the spots then?" asked Lestrade yet again.

"Black pudding" Aunt Edinburgh explained "it's a special recipe."

"Duck leg and black pudding" said John, picking up a leg "interesting."

They stood watching the family waltz, or in some case, attempt to waltz. "Are they always like this?" Lestrade asked John, as they both gnawed their legs. {The duck legs, not their own legs}.

"Yes" said John.

"Mycroft told me this fantastic tale about some relative called Igor who died after he was kicked by a horse in Patagonia" said Lestrade "the horse lived with him evidently. I couldn't discover any more details."

"The family die in all sorts of interesting ways" John murmured.

"I've started to get that impression" said Lestrade.

"When it strikes midnight we all go outside" John said, taking another duck leg.

"What for?" asked Lestrade.

"No idea" John told him "but they took all the turnips out there and Sherlock said something about flaming pits."

Aunt Windsor strolled over eating a carrot. "You boys should be dancing" she said "all this lazing about eating. You'll get fat."

"I can't dance" said Lestrade.

"Nonsense" snapped Aunt Windsor "everyone can dance. I can dance and I've had two new knees."

"I can't dance" said Phillington "I used to be able to when I was younger. I gave up when I was 100. I had to give up women then too. They all kept dying on me. It was very upsetting and disheartening."

"He was married fifteen times" said Sharpie.

"I was trying to get as many in as I could" said Phillington "but I had to give up. My legs couldn't stand the strain."

"Couldn't you get married sitting down?" asked Creepy, who had come over to get a duck leg.

"I did twice" said Phillington "then I wondered why I was bothering so I gave up."

"He's had some weird ones" Sharpie informed everyone "one of them wouldn't come in the house."

"She lived on the roof" said Phillington "I didn't mind but whenever it rained she slid off."

"Didn't she get hurt?" asked Tyger.

"She was well padded and we had a mattress underneath for her to fall on" said Phillington.

Sherlock arrived just then and grabbed a duck leg. "I like these" he told John "especially the bits of black pudding."

"We could have black pudding at home" said John.

"I don't know the recipe" said Sherlock.

"I meant just black pudding" said John "fried."

"Yuck" Sherlock responded, pulling a face.

At that moment the clock started to strike. "Midnight" said Sherlock. 

"It can't be midnight already" John gasped.

"It is" said Sherlock "and don't forget you're going to chase me later on. I'll make sure you catch me, so don't worry."

"I wasn't worried" said John.

They were interrupted just then by Aunt Hever making yet another announcement. "It's midnight and the ghosts are waking" she shouted "everyone outside and let the festivities begin."

"Great" said John "I love festivities."

Outside in the grounds the servants had been busy digging pits and lighting fires in them. Things were about to get seriously exciting.


	5. Flaming Pits.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More exciting fun with the family. Including swinging turnips around your head and jumping lighted pits.

Outside in the grounds a large number of flames seemed to be emerging from the ground. Servants were standing around poking the flames with large metal poles. Lighted turnips were everywhere, glowing in the semi darkness.

"What do we do now?" John asked Sherlock, as they watched a servant fall into one of the flaming pits with a loud scream. Luckily he was still holding onto his pole and was soon rescued, magically only slightly singed.

"We jump the pits, of course" said Sherlock. 

"Isn't that a bit dangerous?" John asked.

"Yes" Sherlock replied calmly "it wouldn't be much fun otherwise, would it?"

"I fell down a pit once" said Phillington, who was sitting nearby in his wheelchair.

"It wasn't a Flaming Pit though, was it" said Sharpie.

"It was a pit" Phillington sighed "and it was deep. That's how I lost my virginity". 

"How on earth did you lose your virginity falling in a pit?" asked Mindy, who was standing nearby eating a chicken leg.

"Well" Phillington said slowly "someone got there first, didn't they?"

"Who was it?" asked Mork. 

"Oh" said Phillington "it was our gardener. He was 7 foot tall and had three balls. He used to juggle them. It was his party trick. We all had to have party tricks in those days. Mine was playing the accordion standing on my head."

"I can't see how anyone could juggle their balls" said Mork "I couldn't juggle mine and I only have the usual two."

"I tried once" said Ippie "it gave me a hernia."

"That wasn't then" Sharpie pointed out "that was when Mary Lavender bit your left ear."

"It must have been later then" mused Ippie "when I was married to that woman who had one leg. She lost the other one somewhere in France."

"We've known a lot of people with bits missing" said Sharpie.

"I knew a man once who only had one ear" said Lestrade "he got into a fight and someone sliced it off."

"I treated a woman who only had one nostril" said John.

"Second cousin Madderly Holmes only had one arm" said Arnica.

"I knew a boy at School who only had one eye" said James Perch "he lost it when his brother shot him with an arrow."

"I used to shoot people with arrows when I was younger" said Sharpie. 

"Arrows are so useful" agreed Ippie.

"I'd still like to hear more about the gardener who juggled his balls" said Mork "I don't care how many arrows people have shot."

"They hung down a bit" Phillington explained.

"Didn't he get complaints?" Mindy asked.

"Not that I can recall" Phillington told her "He had red hair and don't forget he was very tall."

At this point in the conversation Aunt Hever addressed the crowd using a megaphone. "It's time" she screeched "the ghosts will walk and we'll start to jump, get ready."

"Don't forget to take a long run at each pit" Hamilton prompted "and if you're nervous choose a small one."

At this point the cow band started to play, once again, the music from the movie Psycho while several servants put on a pole dancing exhibition using the metal poles they had been poking the pits with earlier. At the same time a number of other servants began to throw lighted turnips at each other, shouting catch. 

Aunt Hever then blew a whistle and people began to run at their chosen pit. Most of them stopped before jumping but Mycroft jumped a medium sized pit by unzipping most of his cucumber, followed by Lestrade. This prompted Sherlock to unzip his cucumber revealing that he was wearing nothing underneath. As he ran at a large pit and jumped it with ease, several people cheered. 

Dover was not pleased. As Sherlock ran passed her she muttered angrily "he's just showing off and we've all seen it before anyhow."

"I haven't" said Mindy.

"Neither have I" said James Perch.

A number of other people then commented that they hadn't seen it before either. John looked smug. "I've seen it hundreds of times" he told them.

There was more pit jumping as the band began to play some Scott Joplin which Mycroft moaned was totally unsuitable. Aunt Cardiff and Aunt Blackness attempted to dance and Prima began to sing something undecipherable accompanied by Uncle Bertie clicking his knuckles. Tyger and Usher tied their legs together and attempted to dance the tango and failed dismally. Mycroft and Lestrade disappeared and were found under a table in the ballroom totally naked, eating chicken legs. When Dover found out what they were doing there, sometime later, she was, understandably, incensed.

Aunt Hever announced that she and Hamilton were going to sing while everyone swung turnips around their heads. This was met with loud groans of anguish so they didn't bother. "Everyone grab your turnip" she shouted instead "and start swinging."

"Why are we swinging the turnips?" John asked, as Sherlock was struggling to zip up his cucumber, the zip having stuck at an important point.

"Haven't you ever swung a turnip?" Sherlock asked.

"No" said John.

Sherlock managed to zip his cucumber at last. "It's traditional" he explained. 

"I've never heard of it before" said John "Isn't it dangerous?"

"Of course not" Sherlock sighed "except, well, there was third cousin Ranniss".

"What happened to him?" asked John.

"Oh you don't want to know" said Sherlock.

"Yes, I do" John told him.

"He was swinging a turnip, as you do " said Sherlock "and it got away from him and hit a shed. The shed caught fire and he ran to put it out and tripped over his left knee. He had a very awkward run because he had trouble with his feet when he was born. Anyhow, he fell over and when he got up the turnip hit him on the head and his hair caught fire. A servant was in the shed and he grabbed the turnip when it hit the shed and threw it out. Cousin Ranniss ran to the lily pond and jumped in to put his hair out."

"How did that kill him then?" asked John.

"The families pet crocodile ate him " said Sherlock "but the servant was saved with just burnt hands. Ranniss should never have jumped in the pond. It had a huge notice on it saying Beware of the Crocodile."

"That's really sad" said John "why did they have a crocodile in a lily pond anyway?"

"They couldn't keep it in the swimming pool could they?" said Sherlock and laughed.

"That reminds me of one of my wives" said Phillington.

"Which one?" asked Ippie "there's been so many".

"I forget" said Phillington "but it was the one who wouldn't leave the basement. She was convinced there was a ghost down there and she wanted to catch it."

"What's that got to do with a crocodile?" asked Arnica.

"It was the ghost of a crocodile" said Phillington "she never saw it though. In the end she got tired of waiting and ran off with a painter from Putney."

"Your wives seem to have had a habit of running off" said Mindy.

"Some of them didn't run" Phillington told everyone "at least two of them went by train and one of them went off in a Hot Air Balloon."

"I went in a Hot Air Balloon once" said Aunt Cardiff "that's where I met my Husband. It made him sick and I had a bucket with me. We united over that bucket. It was very romantic."

"Hammy and I went in a Hot Air Balloon only last week" said Aunt Hever "it was very exiting. We could see Tesco's car Park."

"We could see the Motorway" Hamilton added "there was a huge jam caused by a herd of geese. There were Police trying to round them up."

"Sounds thrilling" said John "I've never seen Police trying to herd geese."

"They didn't seem to be very good at it" Hamilton said.

"We saw at least two people get out of their cars and get back in with a goose under their arm" said Aunt Hever.

"I like a bit of goose" said Bandy "with roast potatoes and onion gravy."

"Onion gravy needs mashed potatoes not roast" said Prima.

"Onion gravy can be served with almost anything" Aunt Hever informed everyone "even salad."

"Doesn't it make the lettuce go soggy?" asked Creepy Holmes Jnr.

"Soggy lettuce is a reserved flavor" Aunt Hever explained mysteriously.

"The things Hever can do with lettuce would amaze you" said Hamilton.

"Especially Cos" said Aunt Hever "you stuff it with olives and pieces of cheese. It's delicious."

"You can stuff cabbage leaves too" said Sharpie. 

"Lettuce is better" said Aunt Hever "and you don't need to cook it. Now, everyone stop talking and swing your turnip."

"Can we swing any turnip or does it have to be ours?" asked John.

"Any turnip will do" said Aunt Hever "just grab one at random."

There was a rush at that moment to grab a turnip. Some people didn't get one because of the servants earlier activities and had to share. John and Sherlock managed to get one each and John watched with delight as Sherlock swung his high around his head with great skill. He himself wasn't too good at it but he was able to swing it around his shoulders with a bit of a struggle. There were a few screams as lighted turnips fell to the ground but most of the family seemed to be quite skillful at it.

"What happened to your brother and Lestrade?" John asked Sherlock, as they finished their own turnip swinging with a flourish.

"I saw them heading inside" Sherlock sighed.

"Let's go and see what they're doing" John suggested.

"Yes alright" said Sherlock "but we mustn't be too long. You don't want to miss the ghosts. I've seen them before but it's your first time."

They slipped away from the family and went inside the house. The Ballroom was in darkness, lit only by some moonlight. It made odd shapes on the walls. There was an eerie silence broken only by the occasional groan and gasp.

"What's that noise?" John whispered to Sherlock as they crept inside the room.

They tiptoed further into the room keeping close to the walls. Finally they spotted some shapes writhing under a table at the far end of the room. "Oh hell" Sherlock said loudly, as the identity of the writhers became evident, "it's my brother and Gary."

"It's Greg" said a voice from under the table "and bugger off."

"If Mummy sees you she'll have a fit" said Sherlock.

"Let's go and leave them to it" said John "I don't want to see any more of either of them. Especially your brother."

"I agree" said Sherlock "I've seen enough."

They left the Ballroom. "You agreed with me" said John, as they rejoined the family outside. 

"I often agree with you" muttered Sherlock "now let's forget about it and concentrate on the ghosts."

John suddenly started to laugh. "I never realized your brother had such knobbly knees" he said.

Sherlock laughed as well. "Let's just not miss the ghosts" he said "they'll be coming from the woods over there."

At the very moment Aunt Hever uttered a loud scream. "GHOSTS" she shouted "OVER THERE. GHOSTS".

"Here we go" said Sherlock, looking pleased "you're going to enjoy this."

Everyone was looking toward the woods at the back of the property when they saw-------

 

To be continued.


	6. Torches and the Stomp.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More from the party including the thrill of the Stomp.

Everyone was looking at the woods at the back of the property when they saw a large number of ghostly figures slowly emerging and moving toward them. There were a few screams from the more impressionable members of the family.

Aunt Hever pointed at the oncoming throng and shouted dramatically "look, there's Great Uncle Tipperary."

This prompted a number of other people to shout out things like "that looks like my old Messie and there's my Granny Mandy."

The ghosts drew nearer and started to make weird whooshing noises and wave their arms about. It was strangely alarming and funny at the same time. As they got closer John realized, with some shock, that they really did appear to be floating slightly above the ground as they moved. They also appeared to be emitting an eerie green light.

"How on earth do they do that?" John asked Sherlock.

"Do what?" Sherlock asked him.

"That floating" John explained.

Sherlock laughed. "Well" he said "you didn't expect them to just walk, did you?"

"I like the way they're glowing" said Mindy "it's much better than last year when they hardly glowed at all."

"I glowed once" said Ippie.

"That was when you fell in that paint" said Sharpie "and it wasn't eerie and mysterious, it was just a mess."

"I was eerie and mysterious in Derby, that time" said Ippie.

"Everyone was" said Sharpie.

"One of my wives was eerie and mysterious" said Phillington somewhat predictably "she used to go out at night."

"What was she doing?" asked James Perch.

"She said she was catching bugs" Phillington sighed "but I had my doubts and so one night I followed her and found she was just sitting on next doors shed roof whistling. So I went back to bed. Not long after that she went out one night and didn't come back."

"What happened to her?" asked Bandy.

"She was found in Liverpool" Phillington explained "she said she'd been taken off in a UFO but no-one ever really found out where she'd been. Not long after that she ran off with the Baker." 

"I don't like green things" said Arnica "except vegetables. You can tell they aren't real ghosts because they're green."

Aunt Blackness sighed. "Green is a perfectly acceptable color" she said firmly "many wonderful things have been green."

"I was green once" said Tyger "and so was Usher."

"We were supposed to be purple" Usher explained "but something went wrong."

"One of my wives had green hair" said Phillington "she loved green, especially green cheese."

"Shouldn't that be blue cheese?" asked Mindy.

"It goes green if you leave it long enough" Phillington explained "but you can't eat it then, she just used to admire it from afar and paint pictures of it. One day a man came to the house and bought several of her paintings of green cheese. Two days later she ran off with him to Tibet. I know it was Tibet because I got a postcard."

"There is a green cheese" said Sherlock "it's called Sage Derby."

Before anyone could comment on this information the ghosts started to retreat back into the woods. The Family all applauded and cheered. Aunt Hever was congratulated by various people and clapped on the back so hard by Uncle Bertie she almost fell in a flaming pit and was saved by Hamilton at the last moment as she teetered on the edge. 

"Hever" said Dover to her sister "you have outdone yourself dear, that was splendid, splendid. The floating was a particular success. How did you do it?"

"Trade secret" said Hever mysteriously "and now we'll go back inside and eat the rest of the food. You can stay outside and jump the pits again if you like or go inside and do some more dancing."

It was at this point that a large number of people of various ages discovered two partially clothed men attempting to hide under a table. This did not impress anyone very much. 

"I hid under a table naked once" remarked Ippie as Lestrade and Mycroft hurriedly put their costumes back on "it was drafty."

"Someone had left a window open" Sharpie explained "it was very unfortunate because Mrs Hapgood fell out of it and lost her left foot."

"Did she have to have it amputated or something?" asked Arnica.

"It was artificial" said Sharpie "she used to tell everyone she lost the original in the Congo. That wasn't true though. She lost it in Dundee."

"I had a fling with a window cleaner in Dundee" said Aunt Blackness unexpectedly "he had red hair and very big feet. He could do wonderful things with those feet."

"What sort of things?" asked Mindy.

"He could play the piano with them for a start" said Aunt Blackness "and he was marvelous with an iron."

"Did he iron with his feet then?" Mindy continued.

Aunt Blackness looked surprised. "Of course not dear" she said "he used an iron like everyone else."

At that moment the band started to play again and a number of people attempted to dance. It was hard to say what exactly the band were playing but it sounded like a cross between Lord of the Dance and God save the Queen. Some of the family didn't know whether to stand up on one spot or dance. Ippie and Sharpie saluted each other, and Phillington sang God save the Queen to the tune of Lord of the Dance, which didn't fit. The music came to a sudden abrupt halt when two of the band, while bobbing their heads in time with the music, banged their heads together. Luckily just then the servants came in with trays of sausages and mugs of steaming hot chocolate. 

"I think it's about time you chased me" said Sherlock as he and John sipped hot chocolate.

"You need to put on those pink panties with the frills first" said John "I'm not chasing you dressed as a cucumber."

"What are you going to wear?" Sherlock asked "can you run in that outfit?"

"What's all this talk about running?" muttered Aunt Hever "we've a surprise coming up, flaming torches. The servants have gone to fetch them. Then we all go outside and start a fire. I thought it would be a fitting end to the festivities."

"I had a flaming torch once" said Ippie.

"Me too" said James Perch "her name was Florrie. She had four nipples."

"I once knew a woman with 8 fingers on each hand" said Sharpie.

"We once found a dead body in the Thames" said Lestrade, strolling up to them trying to look casual as if they hadn't all seen him not long before naked under a table "it had three feet. There was an extra one growing out of one knee. We wondered why it hadn't been removed in childhood, as it was useless where it was."

"Was it a man or a woman?" asked Mindy.

"It was a man" said Lestrade "it was declared to be a suicide but I was never convinced. There was the problem of the head, you see."

"The head?" Mindy continued.

"It was never found" sad Lestrade "how could someone commit suicide and lose their head? They said it had been cut off by a speed boat propellor, but we never found it."

"My 4th wife lost her head more than once" said Phillington "or was it another wife? I can't remember now. She used to go missing for days on end and when she came back she used to say she'd lost her head for a bit."

At that moment the servants arrived carrying large torches. They had, apparently, been made the day before out of strips of tree bark tied together with lengths of wire, with a dead branch in the middle to hold on to. 

The servants handed out the torches and Hamilton lit his wife's with a match. She then lit Dover's and soon all the torches were flaming brightly. There was some dancing, waving the torches and Uncle Butter managed to set fire to a table. Bandy and Prima had a torch fight and Creepy Holmes Jnr set fire to one of the cucumbers. The servants ran around with fire extinguishers. It was all very exciting. 

Finally Aunt Hever said they would do the stomp and then go outside and light a bonfire. Some of the servants were already outside piling up wood. Aunt Hever and Hamilton demonstrated the correct way of dancing the stomp. You simply attempted to stamp on your partners feet while they, of course, attempted to stamp on yours. 

"Great fun, the stomp" Sherlock told John cheerfully "I've stomped Arnica several times."

"Isn't it a bit dangerous?" John asked, visions of broken toes filling his head.

"All the most fun things are a bit dangerous, aren't they?" said Sherlock.

The band started to play and everyone grabbed a partner and began to stomp. The room was soon filled with the sound of cries of pain and shouts of rage. A number of fights broke out and the servants who weren't busy with the bonfire were soon rushing about spraying water on people to break up fights and attending to their injuries.

After a fantastically exiting half hour everyone went outside and threw their torches on the bonfire. Then Aunt Hever shouted "shoes" and everyone took off their shoes and threw them on the fire too. It burned brightly and the flames shot skyward.

"Well " said Sherlock "I think it's time you chased me. Let's go and change."

"What about all these people?" John asked "won't they wonder where we've gone?"

"Most of them'll be in bed soon" said Sherlock "they won't notice a thing. Let's go."

He grabbed John's right center back leg and they went back indoors.


End file.
